Baby boy, I've missed you so much today. This month has come and gone so fast. It has been full of the happiest, and the worst moments of my life. Of course I had the joys of meeting you, but saying goodbye was the hardest thing I will ever do.
Today has been a very hard day for mommy. We visited my doctor this morning, and we didn't get the answers that we were hoping to. My doctor says that you did have a small heart defect, but he says it was not the reason that you are gone. Your chromosomal studies weren't back yet. I have a feeling that even when those are back, we still won't know why. My doctor seemed pretty confident that it was just a fluke. It was so hard to hear because I want to know why, and how you left us.
I haven't been getting much sleep lately. I spend most nights thinking about you, and who you were, and who you would be. Every beautiful pregnant woman at that doctors office made my pain even more real. We should have been going for our 8 month check last week, instead I am going to hear autopsy reports. It's so incredibly hard, and mommy has never hurt so much.
I went today and found some beautiful frames to give as gifts. It talks about God's special angels, and I knew that it would be perfect for you. I got one for us to have at home, one for your Mimi and Poppy, and one for your Nana and Pawpaw. I also had a few of your pictures printed out to go in them. They go perfectly together.
I also decided today that I am going back to work Monday. Mommy is so scared, but I know that we will get through this. If I made it through this month, I know that I will make it even further. I've never known such sorrows existed. Daddy worrys about me a lot, and he even took a few hours off from work so that he could be with me at the doctor's. I love him so much, and he would have given the world to you.
Well my beautiful little man, please say a prayer for Mommy tonight. The next week is going to be a hard one. Know that all my love is with you, and that I am waiting for you.
Mommy
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