Today at church, the pastor explored a well known subject......the laying on of hands. I've watched those late night tele-evangelists and watched them smack the healing of God into the heads of believers. Of course, I have always been a skeptic, but today was different. It wasn't talking about the preachers who command you to send your visa payment to support the healing of God, but about the human touch and it's healing powers accompanied by the belief in God. Anyways....I'm rambling.Today I felt first hand the healing, and it has left me........well.....speechless. The pastor called those who are hurting and broken (I was shouting "me, me!" on the inside) to stand, and for the people around them to pray and place their hands on them. I wasn't going to stand up, but my husband turned and looked at me, took my hand, and pulled me up. I just shook uncontrollably. Then, the couple that stood behind us placed their hands on us, and I felt peace. I've heard people say things like that before, and never could imagine (or maybe believe), but today I felt it and...it was amazing.
It seems that now I should feel blessed, or healed, or even relief; but now I just feel even more lost and confused (if that's even possible). I feel like before it was not so crazy to feel this disdain, this emptiness, and this numbness. But, now I feel like I am wrong to feel these things, and that I should just run and and shout that I am great to the world. I'm not. I'm still hurting, and I'm still.....me.
Our church regularly lays hands on those who need prayer. I've had it done on myself. Prayer can make such a big difference. It's ok that you still feel empty and numb even after your experience. We are still people and still susceptible to those emotions.
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