Today I finished up the video in your memory. I finally received your pictures yesterday and it was bittersweet. They turned out beautiful,  but I felt like I was re-living those moments all over again. It was a lot harder than I thought it would be. Your daddy came home a little early because he was worried about me. I told him I was fine, but I imagine my voice said otherwise.

It was hard enough to lose you the first time, to feel like I was losing you again was like torture. Yet, it helped me let out a lot of tears that I had been holding back. I also got to see beautiful hands and feet again. I've thought about you a lot today.

The holidays are coming up. Just next week is Thanksgiving. I have a lot to be thankful for, but it is going to be so lonely without you here. I never fathomed that I would be spending these special occassions without you. Seeing all of the "baby's first" in the store hurts so much.

Your sister finally asked the questions that I have been waiting on today. "Why is my brother with God?". "Why is him at God's house, I want him to come to my house..". I honestly don't even remember what I told her. Hearing those dreaded words come out in her little voice made me feel so helpless and hopeless. It's hard to explain to her that we will see you again, and that you won't be coming home here on earth.

Goodnight son. I miss you, and I will see you soon.

Love,
Mommy