Your mama...the worrier.

Yesterday we found out that your big sister needs a xray. It's probably nothing serious, or possibly nothing at all. But, with you so fresh on my mind, I can't imagine ANYTHING being wrong with her. I guess we will find out Monday if all of my worrying has been in vain. (Which of course I hope it has).

Not much has changed since the last time I wrote you. Daddy is finishing up his last semester of school (with a lot of pushing from me) so that he can finally get a job doing something he half way enjoys. Plus he will finally get out of the environmental hazards that he is in everyday now with his job. Mommy is very proud of him, and I'm sure you are too. A few years ago it didn't seem like either one of us would ever finish college. Now Mommy is a nurse, and Daddy will soon be an industrial electrician. (It sounds so important doesn't it?)The both of us have definitely been through a lot these last few years, but we are so much stronger because of it, and because of you.

Daddy's birthday is coming up next month, and Mommy is trying to figure out some kind of way to make it special. He deserves it. But for now, we are just trying to get by one day at a time. It is not getting any easier without you here, but we are both learning to live again.

We both miss you so much, and love you more each day. I can't wait to see you again, and you know that I am waiting for you. Save me a special spot, and put in a good word for me! I love you oh so much.

Mommy

Beginning the new year...

I have thought of you often today. It is not a special occassion, and no special day to mention of. I just miss you. I am working on getting healthier, so that whenever God decides to bless our family with another little one, I will be ready. I am still working on the eating habits, but I have gotten better about exercising. It was really hard at first, but with some good music and a good book it is getting easier. It also gives me alone time to remember you.

We have some important days coming up, and I will tell you about them later. I am nervous, but it isn't anything that your daddy and I can't get through. We really enjoyed our trip to Tennessee, and the memories we created for you. Your daddy and I still love each other so much, and I am so proud to say that these hard days have not made us like each other any less.

We miss you so much, and I think of you all of the time. Wish your mommy luck to getting healthier, and send a little love my way.

I can't wait to hold you again, and I am waiting for you.

Mommy

Our date...

I know I haven't written in a while, but life has been really hectic lately. As you know, we have celebrated a lot of holidays and dates lately that have been really hard without you here. Today was the most important one of all. The last doctor's visit that we went to when you were alive, he told us that today would be the day that you would be scheduled to be born by c-section. But, of course things changed.

It was hard waking up this morning, not in bliss. We should have awakened with feelings of excitement, anxiety, and just pure joy. We didn't. We woke up knowing that today we wouldn't be meeting you for the first time, and it was hard.

I hope you got the flowers we sent you. I still think about you every day. Marleigh was excited to send you her flower, and she even has one of her own so that she can have one like you. The view was spectacular, and I have never felt closer to you since you've been gone.

I pray all of the time that God will bring me comfort, because most of the time I feel so lonely without you. I know in my heart that you are where you are suppose to be, but I also know as a mother that I would rather have you with me. Life is hard, and I'm glad you didn't have to live through the perils here. You are so blessed to have only known the life that you live. I will understand one day, but for now I still feel so hopeless. I miss you baby boy, and you will always be such a huge part of my heart.

Please wait for me, because I am waiting for you. I will see you soon, and please send your sister and daddy a lot of love today, because we miss you so much.

Mommy