I can't believe she is already four weeks old. Makayla has added so much joy to our lives. Things are so much different then I expected them to be though. I knew that I would never quit having theses feelings for our little boy, but I didn't know that she would bring them all flooding back.
The day she was born I sat holding her, and all I could see was him. To this day I can look at her in my rearview mirror and see his face. I feel like I'm losing him all over again, because as she grows I see less of him. It just reminds me of everything we missed......smiles in his sleep, crying just to be cuddled, and putting on cute little outfits just to hear compliments from strangers. We missed it all.
I wish so much that I could hold him again, and to see his face on his body. I wish that I could take back our time in the hospital, and request to hold them until they had to take his body. I wish I could cuddle him, and memorize every inch of his body. I wish I wouldn't have been asleep when they delivered him. I wish I wouldn't have been so foggy when they brought him to me. I wish I could have given him his first and last bath. I wish he was here.
I don't know what I expected to feel when Makayla was born, but I definitely didn't know that this would be it. I couldn't be happier to hold her, to talk to her, and to be her mommy; but I was a mommy to a little boy once before her. I miss him.
