Turning over to a new chapter...

So baby boy, so much has happened and so much has changed these last few weeks. Yet, nothing really seems different at all. I've had bad weeks and good weeks, but all in all I think I'm okay.

I originally wrote this blog to share my thoughts and feelings with you, but now I think it is time to move in a different direction. I don't love you any less, or not want to talk to you anymore, but I think I am finally strong enough to talk to you out loud. Yes, I never thought I would say that, but it is true. It has been almost 6 months now, so Daddy and I are going to build you a garden so we can sit and chat. I'm sure it sounds silly to some people, but I am so excited. I will have a place all my own to sit and think of you. We will make it beautiful, just wait and see!

Your cousin Dakota turns 3 this weekend so we will be spending some of Sunday with him. Your other cousin Benjamin has a baseball game (that I would have LOVED to take you to) tomorrow, so we will  be spending it with him. Your big sister Marleigh has a soccer game tonight, so we will be spending it with her. We both have a busy few days coming up, but I am glad. Mommy has been having some personal issues, so it will be nice to get out and have something else on my mind.

I will still be posting here, but it will be updates on the family, and future happenings to share with everyone. Mommy has a job where something new and crazy happens every day, so I'm sure there will be plenty to talk about. It just takes a toll on the body to dwell on sadness, so I am trying to move ahead and to stay positive. I will never forget you, replace you, or stop thinking about you.

I love you more than you could ever imaging, and I am still waiting for you. I can't wait to meet you again. I have so much to tell you and so much to teach you. I will see you again soon. Love you so much.

Mommy

Your first Easter

Today I thanked God for many things. I thanked him for family, friends, food, clothing, and my beautiful children. I got to show you off Friday for the first time in a while. Someone asked me how many children I had, and they cared enough to let me show them the pictures I have of you. They will never know how much that meant to me.

I still think of you daily, and today was no different. Today would have been many firsts for you. You would have had your first Easter egg hunt, first Easter portraits, and your first time dying eggs. I would have taken hundreds of pictures, and included you in every event. Although I carried you with me, it was still not the same. Your big sister woke up this morning and got her Easter basket; she is always very enthusiastic about all her gifts. We lit your candle, and gave you your first Easter present. It wasn't much, but I immediately thought of you when I saw it. For whatever reason, every time I see little lambs I think of you. I guess it is our special secret. Here is the one I picked out for you.

I love you so much and would have much rather have had you here today. In between all of the chaos and the fun, I am still so grateful for what we have. But, boy is it hard without you here. You would have been, and you are my little prince. I will always treat you that way. Please save a place for me, because one day you will be in my arms. I can't wait to hold you again. I hope and pray that your Easter was the most wonderful celebration. I love you son, and miss you more than words can describe.

Mommy