Another day...

One of the best and cruelest things I have learned over the past year is time. Time encompasses every aspect of our lives. It dictates our past, present, and our futures. It determines what we do today, and how we plan tomorrow. It sounds simple enough, but it is the reason that life is so hard.

Time has given me a second chance at life. It doesn't mend, but it makes our difficulties a little more tolerable. It gives us the opportunity to grow and to change. It gives us life.

Yet, time is also the factor that holds me back. Time does not stop when life is cast into oblivion. Time can not stop so that you can mourn your past. Time will not slow when you need a chance to mend.

If only for a moment, I wish that time would stand still so that I can mourn, heal, and begin to live again. But, for now I will fall back into time, and continue my life as it is scheduled to be.

Does GOD hate?...

Well, my little Junior, you now have a sibling in heaven with you. A brother, or a sister, I'm not sure. But they are with you now. I always thought that it was only possible to have "a" worst day of your life. I sure proved that wrong today. An experience that I thought I would only live once, repeated itself today. It was different of course, but now my heart has fallen to pieces.

After starting to pick the pieces of our lives again, your Daddy and I were dealt a blow today. Yes, we thought we were going for an ultrasound Tuesday to hear the beating of your new sibling's heart, but instead, we only heard the beating of our own.

Does GOD hate us??

I'm sure the answer is no, but after losing two children, it's hard to think otherwise. I'm broken, scarred, and apathetic to our lives ahead. One day I will be okay, but for today, I mourn our children.